Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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