My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sorry about my life...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
