This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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