I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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