Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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