I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
