his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
