guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
