One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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