he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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