It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
