is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
