i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
