Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
