With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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