My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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