OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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