thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
