can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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