I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
