How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
