Im at strip club and am horny
You're my little dorito
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
