Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
