I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
