It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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