hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
