It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
