i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have fence marks all over my body
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
