Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
