Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
