Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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