you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
