I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
