I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
