My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
