**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
