She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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