So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
