I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
