I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
