I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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