if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
