So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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