I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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