i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
