Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
