Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
