how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
