why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
