I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
