he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this will be a night to untag.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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