just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
