He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
