she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
