I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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