dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
