nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
