you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
