do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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