This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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