Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
