The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize