Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
