wakey wakey hands off snakey
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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