Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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