Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
