did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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