I think I won the penis lottery.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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