I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
