Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
