This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
