a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
